How I: Keep Talking To My Kids

Hi Friend,

I don’t have any idea where these words find you. I don’t know if you’re a young mommy to be who is getting a jump on this parenting stuff or a seasoned mother in the trenches. The trenches. What a scary phrase on raising children, and yet, so accurate to our feelings and theirs some days.

Maybe you’re aware or maybe this is news, but open lines of communication are often the most needed and least accessible tool between parents and our pre-teen/tween kiddos. As we approach the years when they will start being away from us more with friends, sports, and commitments, I see so many people posting things like “I wish I had known”. I don’t want that to be a sentence you or I ever utter about our children.

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Now, don’t peg me as an expert, because I’ve only been in this gig for 11 years and counting. Compared to some of you, I’m still a baby parent. I’m aware that I don’t even know what I don’t know, but last night around 1am, I had a HUGE moment with my oldest son and I thought more moms could learn what we did.

You see, I was raised with all boys. I know the conversation barrier. Especially when dealing with “feelings” or mistakes or any of the hard stuff. I’m also married to a 40-year-old man-boy so it doesn’t escape me that part of it is likely just how guys are wired.

None of that, however, changes the absolute fact that I’m a mom. It’s my job while my kids are young to communicate with them. I get to hear the hard stuff, the good stuff, the farts. All of it.

So when my kiddos started having troubles that they didn’t know how to navigate, I was so thankful they came to me. We talked late into the evening about friendship, temptation, integrity, and the care and keep of other humans and their hearts. But as I was leaving, I had this divine moment where I blurted out something to my son that I think changed forever the way we communicate.
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While we were talking, he had said “Hang on mom. This will be hard for me to say.” He was so worried that something he could say or do would change the love I have for him. He didn’t want to disappoint me. He told me there is a little voice in the back of his mind that tells him I’ll get really mad at him when I hear he has done something “wrong”. Anything. Lying, being selfish, etc. What a lot of pressure we forget we were once under as children and still have to face as adults.
As I left his room, I thought we were done but I wanted the door to stay open.

“You know buddy, if there is ever anything you need to say to me but don’t think the words will come out, you can write it down and just slip the note under my door.” 

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“Okay, mom” 

At 1am I heard a noise at my door and then little feet running to the other side of the house. 

There was a note on the floor.

“What you said made me think and I wanted to tell you about this issue I’ve been having. I need your help.” 

We stayed up until 2am talking on his bed. He asked questions and I answered them. I reminded him of the truth that the presence of conviction is a sign that none of us are in our battle alone.

Sometimes we just need to remember that words don’t always have sound. Sometimes a note under the door and an open option for communication are all they need to say what they need to say.

If they aren’t talking, offer them the option to write it down, text it, email, whatever. That gives them the freedom to get it all out without interruption or a look of disappointment they can’t stand the weight of, and it gives us parents time to really hear what they want to say before we jump to conclusions or get upset.

My last words to him last night were:
“Son, Daddy said to tell you that it takes a strong man to admit he needs help. That’s who you are. Remember that. You’re strong. I’m proud of you. I’m thankful to be able to help you. Thank you for trusting me.” 

10 Tips For Natural Birth

Hi there sweet momma to be (or papa because let’s face it, my man researched for me because I was too busy being all kinds of pregnancy extra.)
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I bet you’ve come across this because you are about to have a little human enter this world and you need some birth hacks that will save the day.

While I sincerely hope to put this all in a precious, bound, collection one day in the future, people are having babies now, so I thought I’d paraphrase for you.

There is a TON of books and articles and posts everywhere you look. You could go right now and spend your nest egg on books at the local book store that would coach you on everything from pregnancy fashion to how to puree a chicken nugget.

I’m going to focus on maximizing the impact and minimizing the time spent weeding out the details.

Here we go:

1. Relax. Your incredible body isn’t going to mistake how this whole thing works. Sure, there are factors that could arise because this is humanity and there is margin for things being funky, but on the whole, we’ve been birthing babies since the first one was born and while I cannot promise your birth will be like any of my five, I can promise you that you get to choose how you approach it. Calm moms have all the fun. Pregnancy ball and chill, sweet friend.

A tense body will get in the way of things loosening and softening and dropping. I like to use the term “press in”. We’ll get to that, but for now, relax.

2. Move. In the days leading up to your baby (and really the entire pregnancy), be active. As active as you feel like. Take walks, breathe fresh air, let the sun hit your skin, and just move. Salsa dance with your partner in the living room. Park at the back of the parking lot at the grocery store.
There’s a reason old wives tales say to vacuum and make whoopie. Moving loosens up your hips and pelvis.

The thing I didn’t know about movement until my 3rd child was that while it progresses labor very well, it also detracts from the mind focusing on discomfort. When you’re moving, you’re not laying on your back thinking about how you feel.

3. Eat and drink. Unless you are under restriction for good reason from your provider, eat and drink. Birth is a marathon and not a sprint. Your body and your baby still need water, protein, etc. It’s about to Hulk out and it needs fuel.

4. Relax your bottom jaw. We tend to tense up at the beginning of contractions. I know I did. But in my 5th delivery, my smart husband told me to just let my bottom jaw hang open. Game.Changer. pal. I was able to keep swaying or moving or just not panic. It worked far better than any other coping tip I’ve tried.

5. Get into the water. There is just something about a bathtub or a pool that is soothing, and the added bonus of taking your weight and baby’s off of your ever-expanding pelvis is unmatched. Try your bathtub or a birthing pool wherever you are laboring. You can maintain rhythmic movement in water and progress with much less intensity.

6. Shhhh. If you’re not in labor yet, let’s play a game. First, make a high pitched sound. Note how your entire body tenses up? Now, make low sound from your gut. See how that relaxes your body and especially your abdomen? Low and slow wins the race.

7. Stay off of your back. Laying on your back forces your baby to work against gravity. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

8. Just say no to IV fluids unless something is wrong. Fluids will make you and your baby swell a bit. Do I need to explain that one further? Nah.

9. When you “literally can’t even”, it’s probably go-time. There is a special word in the stages of labor called “Transition”. This is what happens when it’s time for baby to head on out. It also coincides with some crazy thoughts. For most women it’s definitely work laboring, but when your mind becomes irrational saying “you can’t do this. get drugs. you’re going to die. it’s too hard” that’s usually right about that time. Tell someone when you get crazy in your mind and see if it might be time to settle into delivery.
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10. Press in. The rhythms of labor are long lost on TV and movie deliveries. We all picture ourselves on our back screaming in pain while we push on a ten count. If you dint’ know this already, when your baby is ready, your body will push for you. It’s crazy, but it’s real. So as you approach this glorious unfolding, press in. It’s okay to feel it. It’s good to sway and move and trust your body if it tells you to squat, get on all fours, lay on your side, or sit on the potty. Relax that bottom jaw, breathe well, and press in. Because the truth is, in mere moments, you’re going to be holding a life you got to carry and the feeling of birthing that person is unlike anything else this world has to offer. You will never regret it and you’ll be love drunk about it forever.
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p.s. Contractions feel like period cramps. They start small and build. If you’ve ever had a strong period, you can do this birth thing. Trust me.

Six Common Questions about Essential Oils

As I was shopping yesterday in a local health food store, I saw two women looking over the three different brands of “essential oils” offered.
I wanted to walk right up to them and tell them the truth about those bottles and all we’ve learned in the last four years about oils, our bodies, government regulations, wellness, and more. The oils offered are directly behind the front desk and I didn’t feel it would go over well if I began to sell something to someone in another person’s retail space. I wish I could have caught them in the parking lot.

While it may seem impossible, I find that there are still so many people who have nobody they trust trying to educate them and help them with natural wellness. With so many people trying to sell anything these days, how can we know what is right for us individually? How will we know what to do?

There have been a lot of these types of questions over the last four years, and naturally, some more than others.

In today’s VLOG, I’ll go over the 6 most common questions I am asked.

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