Faith

How I: Keep Talking To My Kids

February 20, 2019January 25, 2020 by courtneyecollins, posted in Adulting, Faith, Uncategorized

Hi Friend,

I don’t have any idea where these words find you. I don’t know if you’re a young mommy to be who is getting a jump on this parenting stuff or a seasoned mother in the trenches. The trenches. What a scary phrase on raising children, and yet, so accurate to our feelings and theirs some days.

Maybe you’re aware or maybe this is news, but open lines of communication are often the most needed and least accessible tool between parents and our pre-teen/tween kiddos. As we approach the years when they will start being away from us more with friends, sports, and commitments, I see so many people posting things like “I wish I had known”. I don’t want that to be a sentence you or I ever utter about our children.

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Now, don’t peg me as an expert, because I’ve only been in this gig for 11 years and counting. Compared to some of you, I’m still a baby parent. I’m aware that I don’t even know what I don’t know, but last night around 1am, I had a HUGE moment with my oldest son and I thought more moms could learn what we did.

You see, I was raised with all boys. I know the conversation barrier. Especially when dealing with “feelings” or mistakes or any of the hard stuff. I’m also married to a 40-year-old man-boy so it doesn’t escape me that part of it is likely just how guys are wired.

None of that, however, changes the absolute fact that I’m a mom. It’s my job while my kids are young to communicate with them. I get to hear the hard stuff, the good stuff, the farts. All of it.

So when my kiddos started having troubles that they didn’t know how to navigate, I was so thankful they came to me. We talked late into the evening about friendship, temptation, integrity, and the care and keep of other humans and their hearts. But as I was leaving, I had this divine moment where I blurted out something to my son that I think changed forever the way we communicate.
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While we were talking, he had said “Hang on mom. This will be hard for me to say.” He was so worried that something he could say or do would change the love I have for him. He didn’t want to disappoint me. He told me there is a little voice in the back of his mind that tells him I’ll get really mad at him when I hear he has done something “wrong”. Anything. Lying, being selfish, etc. What a lot of pressure we forget we were once under as children and still have to face as adults.
As I left his room, I thought we were done but I wanted the door to stay open.

“You know buddy, if there is ever anything you need to say to me but don’t think the words will come out, you can write it down and just slip the note under my door.”

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“Okay, mom”

At 1am I heard a noise at my door and then little feet running to the other side of the house.

There was a note on the floor.

“What you said made me think and I wanted to tell you about this issue I’ve been having. I need your help.”

We stayed up until 2am talking on his bed. He asked questions and I answered them. I reminded him of the truth that the presence of conviction is a sign that none of us are in our battle alone.

Sometimes we just need to remember that words don’t always have sound. Sometimes a note under the door and an open option for communication are all they need to say what they need to say.

If they aren’t talking, offer them the option to write it down, text it, email, whatever. That gives them the freedom to get it all out without interruption or a look of disappointment they can’t stand the weight of, and it gives us parents time to really hear what they want to say before we jump to conclusions or get upset.

My last words to him last night were:
“Son, Daddy said to tell you that it takes a strong man to admit he needs help. That’s who you are. Remember that. You’re strong. I’m proud of you. I’m thankful to be able to help you. Thank you for trusting me.”

Great Minds

February 11, 2019January 25, 2020 by courtneyecollins, posted in Adulting, Faith, Uncategorized

I don’t know about you, but I love to talk. I think it’s fabulous to be in a group of gals and talk it up. Sometimes I’ll come home super late from teaching a class or a girls dinner and my husband will ask “Was it oil or Jesus?” Apparently I really only ever talk about your physical health or your heart health?? He knows me so well.

But when I was just twenty-nine, I sat at a table with a group of woman who I considered to be my friends. As I listened, I heard one of these women share a bunch of facts about another woman. And these were absolute facts, but somewhere deep inside of me, a little voice began to ask me questions about the nature of the conversation.
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Why do we do that?

Why is it so hard to avoid discussing other women when we get together?

I think Eleanor Roosevelt was on to something when she said:

“Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people.”

But there we sit. Starbucks in hand and somehow, we decide it’s okay to speak the name of a woman not present.

And we hide it so cleverly as “prayer concerns” or need-to-know information. Maybe we even cloak it in false compassion to let someone know that they’ve been gossiped about.

Gossip is a nasty beast, isn’t it? It always manages to beget more gossip, but can I tell you something? I bet if you think about it, you’ll find it’s true for you as well.

Never one time in my entire life has it been to my benefit or growth in any way shape or form for me to know what another woman said about me behind my back. It always hurts me. It always poisons my mind and heart. It always creates a grudge or a need for confrontation.

I’ve shared this before, but a few years ago I distinctly heard the Lord (not audible by in my mind) tell me that I could wait on Him in woman to woman situations. He told me that the majority of the time, the negativity towards me is perceived but not really about me at all. Usually, women are cold, distant, confusing, or rude when they have something hurting them. And he asked me to wait instead of confronting.
He knows me so well. (I guess creating me gave him an eye witness credibility on my character.)
You see, I have a quick tongue. It’s also sharp and accurate. I used to really pride myself in putting people into their place and calling their hands on the drama they were putting out.

But from that first whisper at the table with my friends so many years ago, I knew the days of me using that gift for myself were over. I was ruining it. He wanted my controlled, targeted, effective words to be used for so much more than that.

Someone came to me and told me that it was painfully obvious that my dear friend was overtly against me. In her words and actions. This person prompted me with some advice to confront my friend. Thankfully, my mind had an idea. That idea was to wait on the Lord.

Three days later, I saw my friend in person and it didn’t take more than a moment for her to burst into tears and confess to me that two very hard and unimaginable things had happened to her in the previous week. Things that took my breath and broke my heart for her.

As women, we need to share more ideas. We need to dream together. We need to pursue our purposes together. We need to do this for us. Because when we love someone, we want to inspire them, not tear their heart out. Because we are GREAT minds being waisted on small-minded chatter.

Every second we spend discussing another woman is a second we spend promoting woman on woman crime. Mom shaming. Body shaming. Career shaming.
And those seconds are ones where ideas are lost.

What could we accomplish if we focused on ideas? What if every get together was a mastermind?

What if you purposed to intentionally select who you talk with, who you give your seconds to so that you unleash your purpose to make this world better?

What if we all decided to be Great Minds?
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10 Tips For Natural Birth

January 19, 2019January 25, 2020 by courtneyecollins, posted in Adulting, Faith, Pregnancy/Labor/Birth, Uncategorized

Hi there sweet momma to be (or papa because let’s face it, my man researched for me because I was too busy being all kinds of pregnancy extra.)
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I bet you’ve come across this because you are about to have a little human enter this world and you need some birth hacks that will save the day.

While I sincerely hope to put this all in a precious, bound, collection one day in the future, people are having babies now, so I thought I’d paraphrase for you.

There is a TON of books and articles and posts everywhere you look. You could go right now and spend your nest egg on books at the local book store that would coach you on everything from pregnancy fashion to how to puree a chicken nugget.

I’m going to focus on maximizing the impact and minimizing the time spent weeding out the details.

Here we go:

1. Relax. Your incredible body isn’t going to mistake how this whole thing works. Sure, there are factors that could arise because this is humanity and there is margin for things being funky, but on the whole, we’ve been birthing babies since the first one was born and while I cannot promise your birth will be like any of my five, I can promise you that you get to choose how you approach it. Calm moms have all the fun. Pregnancy ball and chill, sweet friend.

A tense body will get in the way of things loosening and softening and dropping. I like to use the term “press in”. We’ll get to that, but for now, relax.

2. Move. In the days leading up to your baby (and really the entire pregnancy), be active. As active as you feel like. Take walks, breathe fresh air, let the sun hit your skin, and just move. Salsa dance with your partner in the living room. Park at the back of the parking lot at the grocery store.
There’s a reason old wives tales say to vacuum and make whoopie. Moving loosens up your hips and pelvis.

The thing I didn’t know about movement until my 3rd child was that while it progresses labor very well, it also detracts from the mind focusing on discomfort. When you’re moving, you’re not laying on your back thinking about how you feel.

3. Eat and drink. Unless you are under restriction for good reason from your provider, eat and drink. Birth is a marathon and not a sprint. Your body and your baby still need water, protein, etc. It’s about to Hulk out and it needs fuel.

4. Relax your bottom jaw. We tend to tense up at the beginning of contractions. I know I did. But in my 5th delivery, my smart husband told me to just let my bottom jaw hang open. Game.Changer. pal. I was able to keep swaying or moving or just not panic. It worked far better than any other coping tip I’ve tried.

5. Get into the water. There is just something about a bathtub or a pool that is soothing, and the added bonus of taking your weight and baby’s off of your ever-expanding pelvis is unmatched. Try your bathtub or a birthing pool wherever you are laboring. You can maintain rhythmic movement in water and progress with much less intensity.

6. Shhhh. If you’re not in labor yet, let’s play a game. First, make a high pitched sound. Note how your entire body tenses up? Now, make low sound from your gut. See how that relaxes your body and especially your abdomen? Low and slow wins the race.

7. Stay off of your back. Laying on your back forces your baby to work against gravity. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

8. Just say no to IV fluids unless something is wrong. Fluids will make you and your baby swell a bit. Do I need to explain that one further? Nah.

9. When you “literally can’t even”, it’s probably go-time. There is a special word in the stages of labor called “Transition”. This is what happens when it’s time for baby to head on out. It also coincides with some crazy thoughts. For most women it’s definitely work laboring, but when your mind becomes irrational saying “you can’t do this. get drugs. you’re going to die. it’s too hard” that’s usually right about that time. Tell someone when you get crazy in your mind and see if it might be time to settle into delivery.
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10. Press in. The rhythms of labor are long lost on TV and movie deliveries. We all picture ourselves on our back screaming in pain while we push on a ten count. If you dint’ know this already, when your baby is ready, your body will push for you. It’s crazy, but it’s real. So as you approach this glorious unfolding, press in. It’s okay to feel it. It’s good to sway and move and trust your body if it tells you to squat, get on all fours, lay on your side, or sit on the potty. Relax that bottom jaw, breathe well, and press in. Because the truth is, in mere moments, you’re going to be holding a life you got to carry and the feeling of birthing that person is unlike anything else this world has to offer. You will never regret it and you’ll be love drunk about it forever.
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p.s. Contractions feel like period cramps. They start small and build. If you’ve ever had a strong period, you can do this birth thing. Trust me.

Taylor

March 1, 2018April 5, 2018 by courtneyecollins, posted in Faith, Uncategorized

There is something so powerful about a young person who is willing to let the circumstances of others break their heart to a place that they are compelled to act. Don’t you think?

We see so much on an almost moment to moment basis that we feel helpless to help or change. We press on attempting to not feel it. To not let it break us. I would argue, however, that it is when we allow the things we cannot change to break our hearts, that we see the fullness of the one who can change anything with a single thought.

And that is what I saw a year ago as I sat across the table from Taylor and listened to her explain her time in NYC.

Taylor is my niece. She has spent her entire life right here in East TN as the only daughter of her hard working, Christian parents. In many ways, she is a bright light to our family and maybe just a tad spoiled rotten. (She’s a wonderful kid… er… woman and deserves every bit of the spoiling)

Most kids like her are looking to their future to see how it can serve their needs. Especially when heading to college. It’s the “finding yourself” phase of life. And while you wouldn’t meet her and think she’s anything but a quiet, sweet, good girl with a loud laugh, she’s anything but “average”. She is definitely in the “finding herself” stage, but it’s where she is looking that is making such an impact.

Last Spring, Taylor acted in faith and accepted an invitation to attend summer mission with CRU.

CRU is an international campus ministry. With over 2,300 campuses in the U.S., it is also the largest campus ministry in America.

Now, maybe you’re thinking that it wouldn’t be such a leap for a young woman to head to New York for the summer with friends to do some service projects and enjoy seeing the sights. I can assure you, that is far from what happened to my niece last summer. Sure, they saw some of the tourist stops in the big apple, but their days were spent actively looking for those who needed to know peace and hope on various college campuses. Even the choice to go presented the first challenge.

To start, you’ll remember how I said that she is a very cherished member of our family. The eldest grandchild and a very special God wink amidst the aftermath of deep tragedy. Even getting us to be willing to let her go, was her first hurdle. Five weeks in New York? That’s a far cry from a weekend retreat.

She actually initially mentioned going to China. I think she may have a future in sales because she sure did set that up to make NYC look a bit less intense. (I’m kidding. I think.)

But, as we all know, when the Lord opens any door, no man can shut it.

And, while it’s not my story to tell, I will never forget the only time I’ve ever seen my brother in law “get something in his eyes” as he held the room in the kitchen and told us briefly how her choice to follow her King had impacted him in ways that changed him.

Our children do that, don’t they…. change us. Over and over again.

The next hurdle was the funding. $4500 is a lot of money for a junior in college. (Though it does provide her room and board for her entire stay of 5 weeks)

Especially given that she wouldn’t be getting a pay check while away and her current job would only last until the end of the semester. If we’re honest, most college jobs barely provide the money to drive to them. They are more about experience with people and responsibility, etc.

Again though, the Lord had opened the door and down to the very last minute, it felt like, her funding came in from many generous hearts moved to participate in this call on her life.

So she told us.
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She told us about the 15 people who made a decision for life in Christ.

This is Lourhae. A student who accepted Christ while talking with Taylor and her friend Erin at Columbia’s campus.

She told us about the other 205 seeds of good news planted. And, she also told us about a professor who was so visibly shaken by the presence of the Lord that he shouted at them demanding that they leave.

As we listened, I didn’t know if I was scared for her, worried she’d experience a crisis of faith in the face of so much brokenness and warfare from the enemy, proud of her, or just thankful she made it home somehow with a deeper drive to tell one more person that Jesus deeply loves them.

I don’t know about you, but as a mother, I want my kids to “find themselves” like this. To have their hearts broken for the broken. To be compelled to be courageous and speak boldly the cure for the malignancy of the soul. To trust God again for safe travels, provision, his Spirit to move for those called unto his name, and the money.

I want my children bold for the impossible because that is where their King will show up. That is where hearts will grow and change and they will experience Him. In the simplicity of just being available to him. He is able all on his own.

This summer, when most in her class will be heading to grad school and careers, Taylor has decided to again respond with a “yes” to the call to spread the good news at campuses in New York.

How can we help her?

We can pray. We can ask the Lord to stir hearts to give of their prayer time and their finances. We can pray for her while she is there also and for hearts again to be stirred for Christ. For the plans of the enemy to silence this ministry team of students to be thwarted and for the Spirit to speak to these young adults for the glory of Christ. He is the one who never leaves one behind and as I sit here comfortably in my bed behind a screen, those traveling with CRU this summer will accept the commission in Matthew 28:16-20 of spreading the good news – the gospel – to every nation.

I cannot help but think of Billy Graham as I write this. It has only been days since he left this world for Heaven and I believe that God is moving among our youth to take up the baton and run the race to the finish.

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What we want to do is make options available to you to support her trip. I know firsthand that if I can help my family while helping others, it’s a good thing. I also know that a lot of you are very curious about Young Living and essential oils but maybe haven’t had the push you needed to order yours.

During the entire month of March, every single person who orders a Premium Starter Kit (Any of the options available: Oils, Thieves Cleaner, Ningxia Red, or Savvy Minerals make up) through me will be a partner for Taylor. I will donate my full commission from each Kit ordered at $50 each.

This means that if this message reaches 90 people who have been on the fence about supporting themselves and their families with Young Living essential oils and oil infused, clean, non-toxic products, the trip will be paid in full.

Premium Starter Kit Options + Prices:
(All Diffusers have a 1 year warranty)

Premium Starter Kit with ARIA diffuser $260

rainstone-diffusor-kit-e1491786243399 — Premium Starter Kit with Rainstone Diffuser (Runs for 8 hours) Diffuser $205

Premium Starter Kit with Dew Drop Diffuser $160

Ningxia Red Premium Starter Kit $170

Additionally, because life is better together, when you purchase your Starter Kit, you will be joining a community of oilers ready to walk out this wellness journey with you. We run a private Facebook group where you can find everything from how to support your throat in winter to how to keep the summer bugs at bay.